What to do if you and your Partner have Differing Parenting Styles

People are influenced by the environment in which they live. So, it goes without saying that their ideas about parenting and discipline are influenced by the way that they were disciplined themselves. Each person has their own ideas about parenting and discipline. When a couple has different ideas about how to raise the children conflicts can arise. So, what do you do if you and your partner have different ideas about childrearing?


In an ideal world, a couple would discuss their ideas on parenting before they had children. If you and your partner did not do this, don’t panic. You can still successfully deal with these issues. The first thing that you and your partner will need to do is to discuss their parenting styles and beliefs with each other. Identify the issues that are the most important to you and explain the importance of those issues to your partner. Allow your partner the same courtesy. Listen as they discuss the issues that are important to them. Take these issues into consideration as the two of you work out a parenting style.


At this point, you should have discussed your parenting styles and the issues that are the most important to both of you. Now, you can try to find a middle ground. Choose a parenting style that is acceptable for both of you and that works best for your children.

Agree to disagree

Don’t be shocked if there are some issues that you and your partner can’t agree on. Sometimes there will not be a middle ground. Agree to disagree. And, be willing to give in on minor issues.

Follow through

Once the two of you decide on a parenting style, follow through with it. Don’t follow the plan for a little while and then revert to the old way. This will only confuse your children. And, don’t try to undermine your partner. Respect his or her believes and values even if you don’t completely agree with them.

United front

Present a united front in front of your children. Not argue about disciple in front of your children. Discuss problem issues with your partner in private. And, don’t allow your children to pit the two of you against each other. Stick together on key parenting issues.

Some couples don’t even realize that they have different ideas about childrearing until the children are born and conflicts arise. Deal with these problems by discussing your parenting style, your beliefs, and your values with your partner. Together decide on a parenting style that works for your family.