Ways to combat a tweens rude bahvior

The tween years, the years between 9 and 12, can be extremely trying. Your tween is no longer a young child, but she is still too young to be considered a teenager. Your tween is emotionally fragile, but this doesn’t mean that you have to allow rude, disrespectful behavior. The following are things that you can do to correct rude behavior:

Established rules

Even before the behavior occurs, you should already have a code of conduct in place. There should not be any question about which type of behavior is acceptable and which behavior is unacceptable. Make sure that the rules are clear and that the consequences for your tween’s behavior are understood.


Be consistent, as consistency gives your tween a sense of security. It lets her know what to expect from you in any given situation. So, it is important that you be consistent in your rules and in your discipline.

Deal with inappropriate behavior when calm

Yes, the behavior was rude and inappropriate, but don’t talk to your tween about her behavior until you are calm. Your tween is already emotionally vulnerable, so try to avoid a confrontation. When you are upset, you run the chance of saying something you will regret later. Words hurt, and they can easily shatter the fragile ego of your tween. 

Identify the problem

Tweens are dealing with a wealth of emotions. In your tween’s struggle to be independent and to establish her own identity, it is not uncommon for her to exhibit disrespectful behavior. Often, this inappropriate behavior is the result of hurt, anger or feelings of inadequacy. However, this behavior is not acceptable. The first thing that you should do is first point out the behavior to your preteen. Sometimes, your tween may not even realize that what she did was rude. Next, try to discover the cause of the behavior. How? You can discover the cause of your tween’s behavior by asking her why she behaved the way she did. Give her time to answer.

Solution to the problem

Once the cause of the behavior has been identified, help your tween find solutions to the problem. Have her brainstorm different ways that she could have responded to the situation that are more appropriate.

Deal with emotions

Your daughter’s fluctuating hormones and other developmental changes make it normal for her to experience sudden changes in mood. Teach your tween how to deal with her negative feelings in a positive way.

Model expected behavior

Set good examples for your daughter to follow. Demonstrate good decision making skills and problem solving. Show your preteen how to deal with her emotions in a positive way. Your tween is very impressionable. So, try to model acceptable behavior.

The tween years can be some of the most challenging. Mood swings are normal at this age because of hormonal fluctuations. However, this doesn’t give your tween the right to display rude and disrespectful behavior. Use the techniques above to effectively deal with inappropriate behavior.