Tips for Husbands Coping with and Supporting your Wife during Pregnancy

When I first wrote this article, I wrote it with hurt in my heart because of the way I was treated by my husband during my pregnancies. Those are memories that will hurt until the day I die, but I have to look at it as giving birth to the three most precious people in my life.

I wrote about my experience because I don’t want to see another expectant mother go through what I did. It’s supposed to be the most beautiful thing a couple can do. We made a real tiny human being together. And it meant nothing to him.

I just hope my painful experience will show husbands what their wives need – to feel loved, pretty, and most of all, a part of the husband’s life. You’re creating a baby with the one you’re supposed to love. Now I’ll tell you my story.

When a man gets a woman pregnant, his part of the job is over. At least that’s the way it was with all three of mine. He didn’t have to cope with anything – he just walked out the door every night and had a good time. I was left behind to vomit from the time I got up until I went back to bed, and it wasn’t for just six weeks, it was for the whole nine months.

I was on the roller coaster of hormonal imbalance. I was the one who got fat and ugly, so I was told. He was going to go out with some friends of ours, and I asked him if I could go. His words to me were, “If you think I’m going to take you anywhere looking like that, you’re crazy.” So I had to iron him a shirt, and he was gone.

I got no emotional support from him, no help around the house. No love nor enthusiasm over the fact that there was a tiny, little baby growing inside of me. He literally treated me like a leper. He never wanted to feel the baby move – at least not with the first one. He didn’t want to touch me.

I was so thrilled with my growing tummy, and I loved that baby moving inside of me. I knew that at least one person needed me. I played with her baby clothes until they got soiled from all the handling and pretending. I had no family around to share my pregnancy with, so I was alone most of the time.

When I went into labor, my husband was working, so the dispatcher notified him that a neighbor had taken me to the hospital. He came in about four hours later and stayed long enough to see how it was going, and then he left. I found out later that he had taken the whole day off to “be with wife in labor”. He came back for about 15 minutes that night, told me cows do it everyday so stop being a baby, and he was gone.

He wasn’t there for the delivery, and when he did come to see our daughter, he seemed happy at the new arrival, then he was gone. He needed his sleep. He did come to take me home four days later. That was probably because my parents were there.

When I got pregnant with the second one, he was angry because he didn’t want any more kids. Excuse me, I didn’t exactly get that way by myself, but it was my fault. I should have been more careful.

The previous nine months repeated themselves, and I was going into labor. My husband wasn’t home, as usual, and I had my 6-month-old niece, my 17-month-old daughter, no phone, no car keys, and I was bleeding. He finally came home and yelled at me, wanting to know why I was ‘just standing there’. I asked him where I was supposed to go. We got a sitter for the two babies, and we headed for the hospital. All he could say was, “You better not have that baby in my car. I delivered 19 minutes later. If he hadn’t come home when he did, I would have had that baby alone.

After my delivery, he came in and actually seemed happy, for the baby I delivered was a boy. What sticks in my mind to this day is what he said after he acknowledged the baby. His words were, “You have that Doctor give you something. I’m not going through that again.” What did he go through?

I have worked in labor and delivery with fathers that were so devoted, compassionate, and loving. It’s like they were sharing half the pain. They worked right alongside the mother, coaching her, giving her support and praising her for the good job she was doing. If you were that kind of dad, I want to commend you for the love and compassion you gave your wife. It’s not easy having a baby. It’s worth it in the long run, but at the time, it’s very painful.

If you’re the kind of dad I had children with, there’s no amount of agony you could go through that she hasn’t gone through for you. Shame on you. Men like you don’t deserve God’s little gifts, let alone a loving wife.