Single Father Guide to Raising Children on your own

It’s hard being a single father.  Whether you are divorced, separated or widowed-you are going to feel the loss of their mother every day of every week.  You may see your wife’s face in them and the memories are going to start flowing out.  Even if you had the bitterest of divorces, and your wife blatantly cheated on you and got pregnant by the 22 year old boy working at the grocery store, you are going to feel that loss.  The loss will be so prevalent when it comes to your children.  Your wife will be all over them, in their looks, their ways and maybe even how they hold a pencil.  Additionally, as a dad you’ll still have to raise your kids.  If your former wife is still alive, her influence will still be strongly felt in yours and hers children.

If she’s passed, the pain of her loss will still be strongly felt every time you see her children.  Whether she lives or not, as a parent, you have to cope with your own feelings, help your kids to come to terms with their feelings-and be a dad to your kids.  You are the parent who has primary custody of them.  If your former wife is still alive, her visits to see the children are going to feel like slivers of razor sharp rusty nails driven into your flesh.  The feelings will not subside until the kids are back.  A way of raising your kids is to come to terms with your emotions.  Always being angry, bitter and resentful is going to do nothing to help you and the little family of yours.  Children suffer the worst, for they do not have the emotional/psychological development to fully comprehend everything.  Besides, that is their mom.  Their love for their mom is very strong.

Talking to your children, so they can at least come to terms on why their mom is not in their lives helps you as a single dad cope and deal with it as well.  Those first few months after any separation or passing of a spouse  will be harder on a single father and his kids.  He has to raise his kids, and get on with his own life.  There is going to be a lot of pain involved.  If the ex-wife is still playing a part in their lives, a single dad still has to respect her rights as a parent to see her children too.  The secret is to at least keep up appearances if the mom is still around.  In time, pain heals all wounds, and you both may become friends knowing your children are more important than any stupid squabbles, blame game or whatever.

Having long talks with your children about you, their mom-and everything else associated with it is the first thing.  As a man and a father, deal with your own pain and do not repress your feelings about things.  Be angry, be sad: do not choke up on your emotions.  Show your kids that you are suffering too.  As a family, you have to heal together and put things into their proper perspective.  Time is a great equalizer and healer.  In time, you’ll all be a family, including your ex-wife.  But, obviously she’ll not be in your life…Even if there is a chance for reconciliation down the road, a single dad has to move on – not just for his sake, but his kids too.