Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome what they Didn’t tell you

This is the worse mistake I have ever made. In 1998 I had twins plus a 4 year old and I knew that I was done with having kids. I had made up in my mind that I was 22 and I didn’t want anymore kids. I remember the doctor asking me a total of ten times was I sure that I wanted my tubes tied and of course I said yes. Deep in my mind and heart I often wondered who I was actually tying my tubes for. It brought on an onslaught of pain. In a moment my life was changed when one of the twins died in 1999. I was totally devastated because all of the doctors told me that this could not be undone. So I spent the next 5 years researching how to reverse my decision and the costs that were included with it. My insurance company would not even cover me to have a tubal reversal and just asking them became a task that I didn’t even want to attempt. I just remember becoming so obsessed with trying to figure out if reversing my decision was an option. I joined numerous support groups where there were women going through the same thing that I was going through. With much success I found out that it was a possibility to reverse the decision but it wasn’t going to be cheap. The ends justified the means it what I had to tell myself day in and day out. My husband was totally against the idea of me having my tubes untied and it was an argument waiting to happen if I mentioned it. The death of my son was so painful that it was ruining my relationship with my husband and two surviving children. I couldn’t look at my other twin because the pain was so hard. The emotions that came with having a tubal ligation is a whole different story. I had up and down emotions all of the time. I had gained about 40 pounds after having my tubal ligation. Also my menstrual cycles were so heavy that I would often go through a whole bag of maxi pads in about one week, let alone a box of tampons. In 2004 I had my tubal ligation reversed and just knew that I would get pregnant without any trouble. I was completely wrong. I had to go on Clomiphene Citrate to get pregnant and that didn’t even work. I did get pregnant in February 2005 but miscarried in March of 2005. I have not been able to get pregnant since and it is completely heartbreaking. I had laproscopic surgery in 2007 which revealed that both of my fallopian tubes are blocked. Makes you wonder, why did I ever mess with what God created?