Parenting Teens

When a parent decides to consider dating for their Teenager they should first consider the reason for dating. Years ago, Parents didn’t allow dating. These parents did not deal with teenage suicide as much as we have been doing sense teenage dating started. Another issue that they did not have to worry about as much as we do now is teenage pregnancy. Parents once in a while did have their teenagers end up pregnant but most the time, the problem was pregnant girls(not teenagers) before marriage. It wasn’t teenagers as much as it is now.

The reason that people started Courting was to find a partner for marriage. Personally, I have found that teenagers have enough to deal with just learning to become an adult. Teenagers are just young adults in training. They are not ready for marriage.

When you start allowing teenagers to date then they end up getting hurt emotionally. They need to know what type of guy they would like as a life time partner, first. Dating in the teenager years can not become marriage, unless a parent signs for it. When a long term relationship starts during the teen years, it ends up with sex involved at some point. How can we expect teenagers to become super human. In some ways they are just like adults as far as feelings, desires, and hormones. I guess if a parent thinks that their teenager is ready for marriage, then they are ready to date. Then a parent needs to consider if the opposite sex at that age is also ready to date.

Over the years, I raised my six children and fourty-three teens through the juvenile court system. I looked into the idea of Courtship. At first I thought it would be impossible to get my teenagers to do. The more I read about Courtship, the more I learned parents were going back to it.

Then I considered ways of making it fun for the teenagers.

Years ago, The male did not ask the girl for the date, they asked the father. Sometimes homes do not have fathers in them, so we decided to do the head of the house. We also decided in todays world the girl should be able to have a say also. So we let our girls tell the guys if they were interested and our rules. We had our sons take a rose to the mother, and ask the head of the house. He got a point for each thing he did right. This point system was developed by the siblings. They passed around a crown as the person gained more points.

When the date was approved, It had to have a set place they would be going and parties were out of the question, unless adults of the house were watching over it. Then we did not consider parties as the first few dates. We also did not allow curse dating. Curse dating is when they get in a car and drive around town. We want our son to treat the girl like Cinderella and the guy to treat our girl the same.

When the guy comes to get the girl, he has to get out of the car and come to the house. This gives us time to make sure he looks like he is going on a date, not coming from a party, nor returning to a party. The head of the house normally takes time to talk to him as he waits. That was when the rules were gone over.

1) Time to return our daughter into our house, it to be no later then what we decide. If it is later, every 15 minutes of being late means coming home early next date. We always timed it times two. We felt they had 15 minutes already and we worried 15 minutes so that equals 30 minutes off. No Excuses- if they worry about a flat tire, leave for home earlier.

2.) We also did not allow the driver to get tickets or the next six Courtships were in our living-room. We made it rough because we did not want them rushing to get home and end up in a accident. Believe me it works.

We also never had a set curfew. The curfew was set depending on what they where doing on the date and if we were going to be up late or not. We never let the guy drop our girls off and leave. They had to return the girl inside the door. It is another time of making sure that he wasn’t doing anything we disapproved of and also we got to hear about the date. This helps with respect. After your teenager is old enough to consider Courting then have fun with it.

Now before they are old enough to Court. We did allow the opposite sex to hang out with us. We would take them out to eat, watch movies at the house and at the theater. We allowed our teenagers to have groups over to our house. That was enough to make them happy, if we could remember our teen years and have fun with them. Even if the music is strange. At least they where our house and not someone else house. Groups going to public places was fine as long as they knew we might pop in. If they where there we never let them know we checked on them until they came home. We didn’t wish to embarrass them.

Have some fun with your Teenager and teach them to have memories instead of babies. Take a group out snipe hunting or a polish fire drill. We even took our teens toilet papering with their friends. One rule on toilet papering- never do it to someone you do not like and remind the teenagers if it upsets the person we go back and clean it up. I always tried to do the selecting of site, so I could pre arrange it. Then you can even set it up to get caught.

Teenagers are just Young Adults in Training, not Adults.