Hey everyone,

I’m done with finals! This means I get to have a life again! One that does not include essays and stress and anxiety. And best of all:

No more watching Anthony Hopkins in black face playing Othello!

I feel better already. It’s been a long semester and I am ready to enjoy my well earned break. I intend to spend every night of it in the hot tub at my house, which is my definition of heaven. Oh, of course I’ve come up with lofty goals for this break too (stuff like really working on my new story) but the hot tub definitely has first dibs.

Perfection. Also, sadly, not the view I have from my home. Still, my hot tub is pretty darn awesome!

And what will I be reading over this break? I don’t know yet. So I’d love some recommendations. Although, doubtless I will end up getting romance novels from the library. Mock me all you want, I think they are fun. And I usually don’t pick the ones with half naked men on the cover.

Not one of the books I have read. Although I may have to remedy that now that Shirtless Man has stared broodingly into my eyes. Or not.

I am certainly not a book snob, or as others might more aptly put it, a “discerning reader.” I like to be entertained and personally believe you can learn a lot about writing from romance novels. I’m constantly noticing things that influence my style. For example I will never have a female protagonist say: yes! YES! A thousand times yes!

Believe it or not this is a staple in most romance novels. And I refuse to write about a spunky, independent minded girl who turns to mush when she falls in love. Most of the time the women lose 90% of their coolness in the last third of the book when they start moping over their foiled relationship right before everything is resolved. This is why I love Elizabeth Bennet in Pride & Prejudice. Even when everything with Mr. Darcy is all messed up she’s still able to quip and hold her own.

Best book EVER!

So I like to read romance novels and then dissect the plots and the writing and then try to figure out how I would have written a more feminist version of it. And usually this takes place in the hot tub since they are so cheap that if one gets a little splashed no one will notice or care.

You'd be too busy laughing at the picture to notice any water damage. I know I would be!

And I’ll spend my break updating my blog so that all of you super awesome people will be able to laugh at my latest exploits. So here’s a few more images for all of you to enjoy over break until I post again:

And . . .

Hysterical!

Last but certainly not least:

Mocking book covers everyone can enjoy!

More later.

Obligingly yours,

Marni

P.S. Shayna thought my way of signing off with “obsessively yours” was bizarre for people who were unaware of my obsessive compulsive disorder. What do you think?

Hey everyone,

First: I’d like to apologize and thank everyone I saw last night. Starting with:

Warren and Azalea! They had dinner with me last night when my sleep deprivation started taking a serious toll on my ability to function. They were confused but very understanding when the mention of an essay on Africa made me choke on my apple juice. I’m not quite sure why I found that hysterical  . . . but I did. They also let me sing a little bit of Blue Moon in regards to King Lear. Yeah, they were great.

And then I found Kelsi, Andrew, Robin, and Zeb as I was walking my dishes back to the conveyor belt. The girls had heard about my sleepless night earlier but I think Zeb was a bit surprised when I sat in his lap, put one arm around him, and said that he was my best friend.

Zeb is the coolest RA. Or "rah" as I believe I called it last night. Wow, I was really out of it.

Anyhow, all of them deserve a hundred friendship stars for walking me up to my dorm. In fact, they sort of carried me up by letting me lean on them. You know that song Lean On Me? It would have been totally appropriate.

Well, they dropped me off in my dorm under strict instructions to go to bed. But I couldn’t. There was a mandatory hall meeting I needed to attend. So I took two tylenol pm and went down after giving my football player hallmate Scott instructions only to let me smile and nod.

Scott is on the right, my RA and his fiance are in the middle, and Ken is on the left.

Well, that didn’t work out too well. I kept breaking out in uncontrollable laughter. Which led Matt to mutter “She’s as high as a kite.” If I didn’t know me, that would have been my assessment too. I was that far gone. So after conversations about Guacamole Party’s, a stripper by the name of Justice (Ken’s future girlfriend), and a bunch of frozen mangoes and S’mores later, I went to my room to pass out. And did just that!

No tranquilizers necessary.

But now I have to make up for a whole day lost by studying extra hard today. Think good thoughts everyone!

More later.

Obsessively yours,

Marni

Hey everyone,

So, my sleep cycle has gone demented. Which is why I am typing this at 11am after having a peaceful night with absolutely no sleep. That’s right: NO SLEEP!

And I’ve been dealing with insomnia on and off for the past four days. 4 DAYS!

Can you tell I'm coming unhinged?

So while everyone else is studying and freaking out over finals, I’m just trying to focus. Finals week is totally the worst time to get hit with the insomnia stick too. Especially when I’ve already made the decision to break my dependence on caffeinated beverages. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT WITHOUT STARBUCKS?

Don’t get me wrong: I’m still loving my smoothies and all that. But sometimes trying to be heathy really REALLY sucks. Especially when Lyell Asher the GPA Slasher casually mentions that my kryptonite (scansion) will be on BOTH OF HIS  FINALS!

Poor battered GPA! We'll make it out of this alive . . . somehow.

Anyhow, I’m ready for advice. If you got a good sleeping tip from your grandma’s best friend’s former babysitter, feel free to pass it on. I am seriously that desperate. I’ve tried warm milk, good thoughts, and Tylenol. Frankly, I’m kind of hoping someone has access to a tranquilizer gun. Maybe that’s a bit extreme though.

Let’s just say that if I have another night like this I might look into procuring one on my own.

Note the expression of hopelessness. THIS CANNOT BE MY FUTURE, PEOPLE!

So, any advice would probably prevent this from happening:

I really don't want to pay him to shoot me. Wow, that sounds bizarre. I'm blaming the sleep deprivation. Which may be the one good thing about this mess: I can say things with partial immunity. Hmmm . . .

More later.

Obsessively yours,

Marni

Hey, everyone!

Marni Bates reporting from Lewis & Clark after a stay at the home front. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Mine has actually been pretty much perfect. I did some artwork with my mom, spent time with my grandma, had some great late night chats with my brother Jordan in the hot tub, and went ice skating with Heather Bailey. All of this I managed to do while procrastinating. It’s been a grand success.

The strange thing is I couldn’t wait to go back to school! Not for my classes (too much homework what with finals approaching) but because I fit here. Freshman year I kept waiting to feel like a dyed in the wool, indie-rock lovin’ Clarkie. Now things are really starting to click with me. So I am resolved not to get too freaked out by my finals, too nervous about my dad’s visit this weekend (with his new girlfriend), and too stressed in general.

Instead, I am going to follow through on my latest plan. I am going to start eating breakfast.

Smoothies! I foresee lots and lots of them in my future. Why? Because my mom let me take the blender back to school with me!!!! This is one of the (many) reasons why she’s the coolest mom ever. Not that it was doing her much good at home since our dogs get hysterical whenever someone so much as moves the blender. Still, I’m totally psyched!

I need to buy some raspberries or blackberries or something from the market over the weekend. But for now, taking fruit from the cafeteria has been working remarkably well. The only glitch is that TECHNICALLY this sort of behavior is not allowed. Which just means that I have to be crafty so I don’t get caught with a banana in every pocket. So far so good . . .

Want to know a strange fact about me? In high school, I started really liking tomatoes. REALLY liking them. So when I was running late (which was always since I procrastinate terribly) I would grab a huge tomato  for breakfast. A bunch of kids gave me funny looks when I showed up to class with a half-eaten tomato. Maybe this explains a lot . . .

And now I need to get back to work!

More later.

Obsessively yours,

Marni