Infertility how to Cope when People keep asking you about Children

Infertility is a very sensitive subject for many people. It is a topic of heated debate and a source of discontent for both sides. It can be very difficult dealing with people and their constant questions about when or if an infertile couple plans on having children. This last statement may sound strange, but the truth is many infertile people do not make it publicly known that they are infertile. People who are unaware of the situation will innocently ask about children and end up hurting the infertile person’s feelings. 

Infertility is an emotional devastation to some people and they simply do not understand why they have to deal with it. It is perfectly natural for a couple to want to have a family together, and when they find out that it is not possible the natural way, it can be extremely upsetting. Of course the couple has options like adopting a beautiful child that needs a loving home. Adoption offers the chance for infertile couples to give love to a child who has no one. The problem is not adoption, the problem is the desire to have one’s own child to carry on the family genes. 

So how does one cope with a society of people having kids and asking about kids, when one cannot have them? The answer is not easy to find. Fertile people do not seem to understand the pain and angst felt by infertile people. It is easy to tell someone to “get over it” when you have the choice of having children or not. 

Professional guidance

There is no reason to feel like you are dealing with this alone. There are professionals that are more than qualified to help you through the emotions of infertility. They can help you explore options like fertility treatments or even think about adopting a child. Please be aware that treatments can be very costly and are not guaranteed to be successful. The biggest thing you might need help with is dealing with the emotions. 

Come to terms with infertility

The best way to deal with other people and all of their opinions and questions is by being able to deal with your own situation. If you are infertile, then you must be able to come to terms with it, for your own well being. Once you can deal with it, then you can handle other people and their well meaning questions. You are not defective and not cursed nor forsaken by a higher power. Infertility is more common than you think. Seek out a support group, if that might help you. The other thing you must remember is that it is no one else’s business about your personal situation; their thoughts and opinions mean nothing. So what if they do not understand what you are going through? They are not the one living with infertility and they do not have a clue what it is like. Take care of yourself and your own emotional needs and mental well being. 

Stop being a victim

Being infertile is not the end of the world. It is devastatingly painful, and hard to come to terms with, but you will survive! You are a strong willed person and have real friends and family that love you and support you no matter what. Stop letting other people make you feel bad about something you had no control over. You did not do something horrible to deserve this, no matter what anyone says or thinks. Hold your head up and be proud of the wonderful person you are and to the garbage with people that think anything less. 

Consider changing your social circle

In an effort to limit contact with people that constantly ask you about children, consider finding a new social group to associate with. The truth is, being around people that have children will probably only make you feel sad. It really is unhealthy to be around people with children and whose lives revolve around children. Insisting on being around people that have children will only make your situation more painful and can lead to obsessive behavior regarding the desire to have children of your own. 


Children are a blessing and if you love children, then consider adopting one that really could use your love and affection. When people ask about children, you can tell them you are thinking about adopting. Children deserve love and care, regardless of who had them. No child asks to be brought into this world, why deny them love just because they are not your offspring? So many children are born to parents that cannot or will not care for them, you may just find how much you need each other. 

No sane person could ever say that infertility is easy to deal with. Some people choose to have children, some people choose not to have children and some people have no choice at all. Remember that the next time you start asking someone about whether they have children or not.