How to Resolve Visitation Issues with your ex

Resolving issues with your ex is never easy- point blank. But there are ways around confrontation…

One way, is of course, go through the court system so that every little detail is documented. This (somewhat) takes care of any problems because if your ex does not follow specific rules that are detailed in the paperwork, all you have to do is take him/her back to court and explain to the judge that he/she is not following the court order.

I have been through this a few times, until my ex and I decided that we needed to take the route that was easiest on the children. It works well if both parents can agree on most things, and if they can’t agree, just agree to disagree. This doesn’t happen often. It took my ex and I about six years to realize this.

Even though I had sole custody and physical placement of our children, I found that the judicial system did not like to get involved unless they absolutely had to. I had one experience where my ex had decided not to let the children come home on a Sunday just because he was mad at me. I had explained to him that he needed to follow the court order, but he was stubborn and didn’t listen. My last option was to call the police. The police told me that it was a “family court” issue and there was nothing they could do about it, and I would have to take my ex bck to court to have the children returned to me. Needless to say, when I had finally got a lawyer, she told me this was not true, that the police were supposed to get involved if there is an issue and have the children returned as soon as possible. The problem was that because most people do not know this is a fact, the police try not to get involved so the parents can work things out between themselves. In my case, this didn’t work, and I was furious when I was informed of this information. My lawyer told me if this was to ever happen again, to look right at the police officer and tell them, “My lawyer told me…” and explain to them that I knew the difference and to get their butts out there and help me get my children back!

On the other hand, if your ex does not want to take the children, (in my situation, I would have been fine with that), again, go to court. I have heard some people say “Well, I just don’t want to have to go through all the court dates, and I figure he/she will just give in after a while”. Well, this is a crazy accusation because in most cases, the longer you wait to do something about it, the worse it is for you. The reason I say this is because the court system will want to know why you waited so long to do something. This looks bad on your part because they will believe that if you waited so long, you couldn’t have been too worried about it, and therefore, they will take the case lightly and it may even work against you.

The best bet for visitation issues with your ex is to simply do everything the right way-through the court system. This way, there are less problems in the future, and if there happen to be problems in the future, you can allow the court system to fix it and the weight is less on your shoulders. The court system will always make decisions based on the best interest of the children. They will never knowingly put the children in harms way, remember that. If your intentions are true and you are not abusing or neglecting the children in any way or form, you pretty much have nothing to worry about. Court is always the best decision.