How to help Adopted Children Deal with Hurtful Remarks

Unfortunately, adopted children are often the center of hurtful remarks.  Sometimes kids do not understand adoption and how cruel their words can be.  There are things you can do, however, in order to help your adopted children deal with hurtful remarks.  The following are some techniques you may want to consider. 

You are going to want to sit down with your child for a talk.  First, you are going to want to assure them that you love them as if they were your own child. (as long as you do feel this way, and almost all adoptive parents do end up feeling this way).  Assure them that you will always feel this way, and that although they are not a child of your body, they are a child of your heart.  Assure them that they are now in a forever family, and that you will always be their parent and that they will always be your child.  Let them know, also, that you are always there to listen to their problems and concerns.

You will want to listen to them talk about how the hurtful remarks make them feel.  Don’t just talk – really listen.  A lot of times, that is what children need the most.  Make sure that you dispel any untruths the person said.  For instance, if they said that the child was not really your child, then tell that that it is absolutely not true.  Make sure that they understand the truth about why you have adopted them and love them. 

Explain to them how sometimes kids are just not nice because they do not understand things.  You can say it is like when kids tease someone for just being different.  Explain that it is actually the teasers who have the problem, not them.

If your child is truly having trouble dealing with hurtful remarks to the point that they are too much for you to handle on your own, you can consider a child psychologist.  It may be good for the child to have someone that they can talk to, and they might have strategies to help your child deal with it, as well as strategies that you can employ to help your child.  If it is a constant problem at school, you also may want to consider contacting the child’s teacher, the school or the other parent to explain what is going on and to see if they can do something to help stop the hurtful comments.