Biological Parents Contacting Adopted Children

Biological parents should not be able to contact the children they gave up – period. If contact is to be initiated, it should be done at the child’s request “only” if the parent agrees to allow contact. Frankly, it’s frustrating to see how society seems to believe biological parents are entitled to see their children. This is not the case at all.

The idea that there is a special bond between a child and a parent may be true, but it’s related to how the children are raised. A terrible father doesn’t have the right to see their child ten years later unless the child wants to speak with them. It’s just not acceptable to think that just because it’s “your child,” you can see it. It’s not a toy you bought at a store. The child is a human being that has a right to decide for themselves if they want to speak with a “total stranger.” That’s what their biological parent is, and the idea that it’s “special” is a cultural myth. The only logical reason to pursue one’s biological parent is to inquire into family history for medical purposes.

Really, adoption is one of the most honorable things someone can do. Not only is it unfair to have a child grow up in a poor living situation, it’s also admirable that people choose to adopt. Children are dying while people insist on having kids. The whole focus on biology with respect to parenthood is inappropriate, and it’s slowly being weeded out of the legal system. A parent is someone who “parents,” and it’s completely inappropriate for a biological mother or father to be able to call a child they haven’t seen in ten years. Suddenly, a ten year old is expected to put up with random strangers entering their lives and over-complicating their situation. This is just unacceptable. Can you imagine someone calling your house, as a biological parent, and telling your child they are the real parents. That’s pretty much exactly what’s happening – because the adopted parents did all the parenting.

There is an easy way to reflect upon how this whole debate is the result of culture rather than genetics. If you consider things scientifically, a man could have been used to father children using medical techniques. If you’ve had a surgery, someone could theoretically have done something. You might have five kids. Similarly, women can have their children carried by other women. Who knows what science is or could be capable of in the future.

A person who had a child without their knowledge does not have a little “feeling” in the back of their mind about the kid that’s born somewhere. It isn’t a Disney movie where someone gets hurt and their friend becomes sad from miles away. It’s real life, and an biological parent (though again, it’s a bad term to call them a parent) who changes their mind is out of luck. It’s simply a part of life that some decisions you don’t get to change your mind on either physically or ethically. A murderer can’t realize they made a mistake and go back in time, a parent can’t decide they never wanted children and trade their kid in for something more exciting. People need to accept their choices and be proud of themselves for giving the child a better life. It’s completely selfish to interfere in the child’s life unless it wants you to contact them.

Additionally, imagine that some mistake happened at the hospital, and a parent is raising someone else’s child. Ten years later, should the respective parents trade their kids so everything is normal? If someone thinks that, I don’t know what to say, quite frankly. Furthermore, why do you need to involve yourself in the child’s life if as far as you were concerned, the child you have now was yours. A parent loves and takes care of their children. Parents should have the right to contact their children, and that’s it. Unless the biological parent explicitly has something signed to allow contact, it shouldn’t be allowed. And quite frankly, it’s rather inappropriate for such a contract to be made unless it applies after a certain age and, again, requires the child to consent to speaking. It’s the child’s welfare that’s important when it comes to adoption (that’s why adoptions occur). A good parent puts their kids first, and if the biological “parent” is the parent they claim to be, they won’t be harassing the adoptive family.